Thats how i kinda feel right now as i'm about to end a night that could have been absolutely wonderful. Why didn't it turn out the way i wish it did or the way it should have? Because i was a total ass to someone i absolutely love and adore, my girlfriend! I can't tell you the type of person she is and the type of person she makes me feel! She is so sweet and caring and has been amazing to me the past few weeks. I could go on forever talking about all the good things about her and why i fell in love with this wonderful person, but the only thing that is running through my mind is how i treated her tonight. I said something that was absolutely uncalled for. I said something that may or may not be a negative to her or to anyone. But what i said made it seemed that she was classified as a type of person she isn't. As i think about it i finally realized what I've done. I hurt her feelings. I pierced her emotions and i may have made her questioned her feelings for me :( I'm an idiot. If there was one person in my entire life that has made me happier, smarter, more out going, more willing, more disciplined, flat out has brought the best out of me in every aspect .... and who could make me fall in love with them, then its her! Its Arielle Mecham. And its because of this fact that i have these feeling about her that really makes me sick to my stomach that i would do this to her. She doesn't deserve that and she never will. If anything i am in debt to her for so much that she has done for me. Well now i'm gonna give it back!
I didn't get a kiss goodbye, we didn't even share an "i love you!" and its because i didn't deserve to hear it from her. Not one bit! I deserve every sense of hatred, anger and/or "courage" (spanish word) that she had built up after saying what i said. What she did ask was for me to change it, and fix it .... at first i didn't know what on earth i was going to do to fix this one, what i was going to do to change it all. Whatever it is i need to do to fix it, and change "ME", i'm going to do it. And as scared as she may get or she may be in this relationship, Im in love with her! And until she has a damn good reason to break up with me or the Lord tells her that i'm not the one and no one else, I'm hers!!! All i can do is LET IT GO! Because i'm hers, i want to be hers and i hope she wants to be mine. This means that shes only going to get the best. Shes going to be happy every minute shes with me. I'm gonna put a smile on her face every moment i'm with her! I'm going to make sure that she knows shes safe with me and that nothing will ever happen to her. I'll never let her forget that i love her! That shes the person that makes me want to be more like Christ. There isn't more that i could ask for in a woman, its all in the one i love now. So heres to you Arielle ......... Heres to me running with you! Giving 100% every day were together. Making you feel like the queen you really are. Allowing you to know that i am absolutely in love with the most BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUS AND SWEETEST girl i have ever met in my entire life! I'm yours baby ... and i wouldn't have it any other way.
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